A while ago I decided I needed a sabbatical from the Church. I was not in a good place spiritually or mentally. No one in the ward had offended me. No one in the ward intentionally neglected me. But for whatever reason, I felt unaligned with the Church I had known and loved for more than 60 years. I found that I too often left Church on Sunday angry or frustrated or spiritually empty. I did not like what was happening, and so I notified my ecclesiastical leaders, and I took several weeks to travel on weekends, to attend other churches, to sleep in on Sunday and read the entire day, even to see a movie in the afternoon or shop at the farmers’ market. I must admit that they were not bad weeks! I found it amazing how much I could get done with an extra three hours on Sunday!
But after several months I came back and parked my car in my usual illegal parking space. I remember saying aloud to myself, “I wonder if this will be the last Sunday I shall attend the La Crosse Ward.” I then went into the chapel and sat in my usual spot on the back row, as near to the exit as possible.
I didn’t experience a miracle. I didn’t have a vision. I didn’t hear the Holy Spirit whisper truth to me. But on the back row I did hear the clear voice of a woman singing a familiar hymn. Her singing reminded me of another woman’s voice I had almost forgotten. And so I came back the next Sunday. And I heard several young fathers bear strong testimonies of the atonement and of their love for the Savior and for the scriptures and for their family…and that reminded me of a different young father I had almost forgotten. I came back the following Sunday. I heard a sister in the ward demonstrate amazing courage as she bared her soul to us, iterating her questions and resolutions. I recognized a couple I had home taught for many years sitting in the back row, and I was reminded of their devotion to each other. As I attended Church in the next several weeks, I heard honest testimonies from the pulpit on belief in the Church. The new Elders Quorum leader (now our bishop) expressed confidence in me and asked me to contribute. I listened to lessons from men I did not know personally in the Elders Quorum, but who impressed me with their knowledge and willingness to share. I saw a “senior sister” (who I have learned recently is my seventh cousin once removed) lead the congregation in hymns as her husband sat alone in the pews. Another senior sister slipped a wedge of fudge wrapped in foil into my coat pocket and then I absolutely knew I had to come again. A valued friend said to me, “Grant, I hope there is a place for you in the ward.” I am grateful to all of you for unknowingly demonstrating faith and ministering.
I pray today that each one of us feels that there is a place for us in the Church. The Savior taught us this lesson. When He listened to the Syrophoenician woman, He realized that there was a place for her at the table, that there was food for her to eat. The disciples told her to go away. The law said that she was not to receive the blessings of the gospel. But then Jesus heard her voice, looked into her eyes, and saw not a stranger, not a foreigner, but a daughter of God. I pray that we recognize the diversity among us while at the same time we recognize our commonality – our flaws, our love for Jesus Christ, and our faith in the redemption of all. Many are blessed with a testimony of sure knowledge. Others worship with a testimony that admits doubt, uncertainty, and investigation. May we all find enlightenment in this new year as we read the scriptures to forgive one another, to listen to one another, to listen to our own personal witness, to make room for one another, to bless one another with our talents and time.