Due to my mother’s chronic illness of asthma, my mother, brother (Bill) and I moved to Salt Lake City when I was starting first grade. My father remained in Burley, Idaho, and visited when possible. I remember well when I turned the age of baptism. Since my parents were not active in the church, they discussed this one day while driving in the car. I listened from the back seat.
My mother: “Mary is almost eight years old.”
My father: “Yes, she is.”
My mother: “It is the age children are baptized.”
My father: “We will not have her baptized. When she is old enough, she can make up her own mind.”
So I was not baptized.
My mother died when I was nine years old and my brother was twelve years old. The same decision was made for Bill concerning baptism. He was never baptized. And now I will relate my baptism, for it was my conversion.
Moving to Burley, Idaho, after my mother’s death to live with my father and grandmother in their apartment, there were many church members. In sixth grade I had a very good friend I loved to play with at school. I was shy and really preferred the company of adults at this time. My friend was Joann Riggs and she started inviting me to Primary. I occasionally went with her, but usually it was to the parties. At one of the parties, one of the other little girls said to me, “Mary, you only come to parties.” It was true. But it hurt me. She did not really know why I only went to the parties, and being shy I could never tell her. It was because when I attended classes with Joann I could not figure out the language half the time that they were using. The teacher called on the children in class for answers and I was embarrassed I never knew the answers. In singing time, I didn’t know the songs. Joann persisted. She began asking me to attend Sunday School. I did not want to tell her “no” so I would say “yes.” She would always stop by the apartment for me, and then I had an excuse not to go with her. She persisted and I kept refusing when she came by for me.
Attending church with my Aunt Judy and Uncle Bish Hanzel at the Presbyterian Church, I always left feeling something was missing…. What??? I did not know. I attended occasionally with them.
When we became Mutual age at 12, the parties at church were really fun so I started going to more and more of them. I soon attended classes with Joann and began to understand this “strange language and terms.” By seventh grade I was a regular – attending all the meetings. This continued until age 15. One day the Bishop, Joel Tate, approached me and said, “Mary, I understand you are not baptized. Would you like to be baptized?” Taken by surprise, I replied, “Well, yes.” Since I had been regularly attending meetings, I had no lessons on the church. Bishop Tate said, “We will do it at the monthly baptism at the stake house.”
The day of my baptism arrived. It was Sunday. Saturday I was becoming excited about this event. Sunday morning when I awoke, I was very upset with very mixed emotions. I doubted I should do this. Seeking the advice of my new mother, my father having married an angel when I was in sixth grade, Lucile Harris, I asked her what I should do. She said, “Well, perhaps you should not do it.” Looking back, I am amazed I could do this, but I went to the telephone, called the Bishop, and told him I did not feel right about being baptized today.
Waiting a week, Bishop Tate approached me for the next monthly baptism three weeks away. It was set up. I was happy I had waited since I was unsure. Saturday, I was more and more sure and excited. But awaking Sunday, the day of the baptism, I found I had stronger doubts than even the last baptism date. I absolutely knew I could not be baptized today. So, I called the Bishop and canceled once again.
Again after a couple of weeks the Bishop approached me about the stake baptism. I agreed I would be baptized. The next few weeks I doubted less and less and by Saturday knew I would follow through this time. However, I awoke Sunday with more doubts than ever! I was troubled. How could I call the Bishop three times?! The only reason I did not call him was that I was so embarrassed.
I was 15 years old. I did not mention my doubts to my mother or father. My father did not come to my baptism; my mother came with me. It was in the afternoon. I prayed this doubt would pass if it was right [for me to] be baptized. It did not pass.
We arrived at the tabernacle where baptisms were performed. Dressed in white I stood by the font, ready to run if I had the courage, and wondering why God did not answer my doubts and reassure me. As I was immersed in the water and came forth out of the water every doubt dispelled. I knew I had done the right thing. I never have had a doubt since concerning my baptism. In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.